WorkLifeBridge

It’s no secret that many people don’t like conflict.

Many organizations and managers don’t like conflict either. People prefer not to think about it and to continue working as if everything’s fine. But conflict is everywhere - sometimes overt, and sometimes hidden, in some cases healthy, and in others destructive - conflict is a normal part of people working side by side and making interdependent decisions.

Unacknowledged and unmanaged, conflict begins to eat away at relationships. People stop talking to each other and start a downward spiral of indifference, criticism, contempt, and hostility. By acting as if everything’s fine, people hope that conflict will just go away. Unfortunately, instead of going away, conflict escalates, reducing productivity, increasing absenteeism, contributing to attrition of employees, and potentially leading to legal troubles.

Conflict can start with a misunderstanding between two employees and escalate to a feud between two departments. Disgruntled employees might start whispering their discontent, fueling rumors, gossiping, wasting time, and spreading panic. It’s like global warming - the effects are so gradual that they may be hard to notice at first, but without giving people mechanisms and skills to communicate with each other and resolve their conflicts, the hidden costs of “everything’s fine” can escalate to a very painful sum.

So what to do? The idea is not to rid the workplace of conflict. Conflict is healthy for workplaces - in the give and take of disagreement, better ways of doing business emerge. Conflict clears the air and gets problems in the open.

Instead, managers can implement policies that encourage employees to speak up and provide training so people can learn how to confront and address conflict better.

Incidentally, if you’re curious to learn your own conflict style, you can take this online test.

“Why bother?”

I often hear that when I coach employees, managers, and executives in the workplace, many of whom feel as if they are drowning in a sea of ineptitude, with no support lifeline in sight. It usually starts with one bad experience: they ask for something that they need to get their job done and then get rebuffed — or worse — chewed out — in response. The slide to “why bother” begins.

There’s a way to avoid the “why bother” cycle. You can ask for what you need and increase the likelihood that you’ll get it by following these simple guidelines:

1. Know exactly what you need and why. Think it through. If you need to hire another employee, what is the return on investment? Can the need be met in other ways? Be able to justify the expense and think through the possible challenges you might get when you present your request. This goes for the smaller things too. A replacement laptop? What’s wrong with the one you have? You’re not scheduled to get another one yet. Why now? It’s not in the budget. Prepare a list of specific reasons to support your request — and provide evidence that this will support your department’s or organization’s goals. Is there another solution that will work?
2. Get the details. How much is this going to cost? When? What vendor? Who is going to spend the time on this? All of this matters. Have the answers ready and be prepared for pushback.
3. Timing is everything. Asking for something costly immediately after a bleak quarterly report is not the best time to ask. During the budget cycle may be a good time unless everyone has been told that there are significant cutbacks coming. You need to gauge the tenor of the office and the company and decide when it’s best to ask.
4. Ask the right person. You don’t want to go over the heads of your immediate supervisors but you may want to ask them who the right people to talk with are so that you have permission to go above or around them. Find out who makes the decisions and get there without stepping on toes.
5. Be aware of the politics. (See step 4 above.)
6. Ask nicely. Don’t demand. Don’t argue. Remember what your mother always said — “You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.” Ok, so that’s a stupid saying, but it’s true. People like to do things for nice people. The only reason people do things for nasty people is to get rid of them. And they resent doing it. Find out what you can do for the person in return. If they do something for you, thank them somehow — let them know that you appreciate it will make their day — and be more likely to help you out next time.
7. Listen, listen, listen, and ask questions. When the person you ask has objections, listen to the objections and ask questions about them. What would you need to do to overcome the objections? Under what conditions would you be able to get what you need? And really listen to the answers. Don’t argue! See number 6. Who else needs to be involved in the decision? What other information is needed?
8. Be patient but persistent. Sometimes it takes several tries. You may need to return with more information. Continue to work with the person. They need to know that you’re serious and you need to provide the right information and counter any objections they have.
9. And one final piece of advice – you may not be the best person to be asking. Someone else may have more clout or be able to call in favors. If they do, remember to thank them.

You just can’t beat email for its ease, convenience, and speed.

Yet Dan Goleman, author of Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships, describes the overlooked advantages that face-to-face communication has over the electronic kind in “Email Is Easy to Write (and to Misread)“, a recent article in the New York Times. Goleman observes,

Face-to-face interaction… is information-rich. We interpret what people say to us not only from their tone and facial expressions, but also from their body language and pacing, as well as their synchronization with what we do and say.

Most crucially, the brain’s social circuitry mimics in our neurons what’s happening in the other person’s brain, keeping us on the same wavelength emotionally. This neural dance creates an instant rapport that arises from an enormous number of parallel information processors, all working instantaneously and out of our awareness.

In contrast to a phone call or talking in person, e-mail can be emotionally impoverished when it comes to nonverbal messages that add nuance and valence to our words. The typed words are denuded of the rich emotional context we convey in person or over the phone.

And, as a result, email increases the likelihood that miscommunication and conflict will occur. In fact,

as the use of e-mail increases in an organization, the overall volume of other kinds of communication drops — particularly routine friendly greetings. But lacking these seemingly innocuous interactions, people feel more disconnected from co-workers. This was noted in an article in Organizational Science almost a decade ago, just as e-mail was starting to surge. Saying “Hi,” it turns out, really does matter; it’s social glue.

Does your organization rely heavily on email? If so, what does that mean for the quality of working relationships?

Personneltoday.com reports on a recent study of British workplaces which reveals how unprepared many organizations are to respond to or manage disputes:

A study … has found that nearly two-thirds of organisations do not educate staff on dispute avoidance, less than 30% update their policies in light of lessons learned from previous disputes, and only 38% of employers train staff in this area.

How prepared is your workplace?

Science Daily reports that while few people are free from prejudice, the good news is that our biases can be overcome through reconditioning.

Interested in testing the extent of your own hidden biases? Visit Project Implicit, a collaborative research project undertaken by researchers at Harvard University, the University of Washington, and the University of Virginia. This research project utilizes online tests to gather information about and gain insights into conscious and unconscious preferences on a wide range of topics, including religion, sexuality, gender, race, and even U.S. presidents.

Building on more than 75 combined years of experience in the field, five dispute resolution professionals - Moshe Cohen, Melinda Gehris, Ericka Gray, Bill Logue, and Diane Levin - have formally joined forces as OptionBridge LLC.

OptionBridge is a one-stop, full-service conflict management firm helping companies, organizations, and individuals prevent, manage, and recover from conflict. The conflict management experts at OptionBridge provide a broad range of services, including conflict audit and assessment, neutral investigation, dispute resolution system design, mediation, arbitration, training, consulting, coaching and more, in order to minimize the likelihood of destructive conflict, intervene swiftly and effectively when it does occur, and help restore relationships and build healthier organizations in its aftermath. OptionBridge also provides training, coaching, and consulting services to ADR professionals to help them build their businesses and take their skills to the next level.

From its headquarters in Concord, Hew Hampshire, and satellite offices in Connecticut and Massachusetts OptionBridge delivers services throughout the region, as well as nationally, internationally, and on the web. In addition to working together, the members of OptionBridge continue to maintain their own independent practices.

Please visit OptionBridge on the web at www.optionbridge.com or call us at 800-987-9078.

Given how much time we spend at work, shouldn’t our life at work be rewarding?

For many working people, the reality is otherwise:

A recent study conducted by the International Labour Organization has found that while American workers lead the world in productivity, that productivity comes at a cost: workers in the U.S. are logging in more hours than their counterparts in the developed world.

Yet despite all that hard work, another study indicates that job dissatisfaction has never been higher among American workers.

That should be a concern for anyone who cares about keeping employees motivated.

Our goal — to help all of us who spend so much time at our jobs make our workplaces better places to be.

We’ll be blogging about ideas and tools with real-world applications in today’s workplace. Our inspiration will come from our own experience in the fields of conflict resolution and negotiation as we explore ways to encourage people to talk to each other, to hear each other out, and find new meaning in their work.