Asking for raisesFor many people, asking for raises at work is very difficult. Many people simply don’t ask, hoping that their efforts will be noticed on their own, and as a result, they can find themselves grossly underpaid. As the Evil HR Lady points out, no one cares as much about your career as you do, and it is up to you to take the initiative regarding your compensation.

So why is money so hard to talk about? For one, many people have been brought up to think that asking for more is unbecoming or rude. This is especially true for women, according to Women Don’t Ask, a book that explores negotiation and the gender divide, and, as a result, women on average earn less and advance their careers more slowly than the men around them.

Many people are also concerned about appearing greedy or damaging the relationship with their manager. The fear of rejection also looms big, since their self esteem is on the line. Managers also make this discussion difficult through their own discomfort with the subject. At the root of much of this mutual discomfort is a perception that this discussion is adversarial — a win-lose scenario in which one’s gain is the other’s loss.

While there is some truth there, in that the pool of available money is limited, both the company and the employee have far more complex interests other than just the money, and by focusing on those greater interests, it is possible to have a collaborative discussion about compensation.

In addition to greater financial rewards, employees want appreciation, career advancement, challenging responsibilities, learning opportunities, and autonomy. Employers want to retain and develop employees, and want people to take initiative and mentor others.

By enlarging the discussion beyond just the money, but not ignoring it either, it is possible to engage in a mutually beneficial conversation that nets the employee a higher salary while providing the company with a happier, more productive, and more capable worker.

Here are three basic things you can do to help create a collaborative approach:

  1. Prepare extensively for your negotiation.  Make sure you understand your own interests as well as those of your boss, and think about much more than just the money. Research objective standards you can apply to convince the other person, and think up at least a couple of different options that would make you happy. Research and understand your alternatives to a negotiated agreement. This way you will neither say something foolish out of fear or confusion, and your confidence in your negotiation will improve.
  2. Listen more than you talk. Ask your boss open-ended questions and listen to the responses you get as you try to identify interests.
  3. Negotiate the relationship concurrently with the outcome. You can’t afford a short-term win that will damage the relationship going forward. The key here is to be respectful, and to really understand where the other person is coming from.